I went to my great-uncle’s funeral yesterday and it was a sweet celebration of a life lived in love. Love for family, love for friends, and love for his Savior, Jesus Christ. While I came home thankful for the victory of this life, I was struck by my lack of passion for Christ.

I’ve grown up knowing and loving Jesus all my life, but there are ebbs and flows to faith and I have ridden them high and low. I’ve lived a blessed life–almost idyllic really, and never faced any kind of testing until about 5 years ago. And I haven’t been the same since.

Battling church issues, the start of a new ministry,  losing much of what I had always relied upon in the material world–all in obedience to God’s call on our life–caused me to question God. I’ve wondered at His leading. I’ve wondered why. I figured that it’s okay since Job did it. He questioned, but in the end God spoke and plainly stated that He is Lord. He gives and takes. He is God. Period.

I have come to rest in the knowledge of God’s sovereignty, because I firmly believe that He is a God of Love and He will never let me go through anything that He won’t see me through. Though the deepest part of me knows that, I still struggle over lacking that deep passion for Him like I used to have. And I miss it so.

I have a daily quiet time, but it is like a dry creek bed, cracked and desperate for water. I write in a prayer journal, but it reads like a daily planner rather than the reflections of His Word’s power working in my life. I sit in silence, waiting to hear for the One and Only, but I wait until distracted by my daily list of things to do, or the laptop sitting nearby.

Reflecting on my great-uncle’s life has put things in perspective and I believe it is now time for action on my part. It is time to fall prostrate at the feet of my Lord and beg for His presence. It is time to lift up praises to my Savior. It is time to surrender. Completely. Unrestrained.

It’s time and I am ready. And maybe, just maybe, my humbug life will transform into a life of freedom. I won’t wait out the storm, I will dance in the rain. And there will come a time when the clouds will break and the sun will shine through, bringing a rainbow of hope and healing. Until then, I dance, reveling in the ‘reign’ of God washing over me.

Merry Christmas and may God bless us, one and all.